Chapter 23: Napaea

A gift is grown. 
A legacy witnessed.
A blossom blooms
Christina finds her ground.

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Day 60
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I was finally home.

It still felt strange to call it that, but was becoming more and more real every day. At first to call the Southgards' home my own would have felt like I was betraying my family, but now it was harder and harder to justify that thought. Besides, there was one place here that felt more like home than any other, the place I was running towards now; Damien's grove.

By the time we had arrived back from our trip last night my guardians decided I would be sent straight to bed. Honestly I was so exhausted from the long two days of travel that I hardly even minded. At that point it was so late into the night that, if not for the thick cloud cover, I might have gotten a glimpse of the starlit sky, even if it was just for the short walk between the carriage and the house. Unfortunately I was robbed of that sight once again. This morning my guardians had spent some time lecturing me about proper dinner etiquette. I suppose they were waiting until we were home as to not do the entire thing in front of Oliver. They warned me that if I had such a tantrum again during an event like that, I would be punished. Strangely, they said because of how well I behaved for the rest of the dinner, I wasn't going to be punished, this time. I thought back to that night, the idea that sitting there quietly sucking on a pacifier while clinging to Lena's hand was their idea of ideal behaviour. . . scared me. The idea that it was so easy for me to fall into that scared me even more.

After, they had told me that I could "go play" for the rest of the day. I didn't push back. Instead I had grabbed my violin, and after only barely waiting long enough to make sure nobody followed me, I ran out to the garden. There was something I was excited to see.

It was more amazing than I even expected. In the five days I had been gone, the grove had changed dramatically. The hedge walls had now grown high. Over ten feet tall, they even started to curl over toward the center as if they would eventually form a dome of leaves covering the entire area. As it was now it left what was inside cloaked in gentle shadow. Yet the cover was sparse enough that sunlight still filtered in, letting stray sun rays bleed inside onto the plant's underneath. Of those plants, so many were in full bloom. Lilies and tulips and geraniums, each giving way to a wide rainbow of deep gentle colours that filled the grove's beds with life. Beyond that, ferns, vines, bushes, toadstools . . . they all dotted around the hedge walls. Crawling up and growing into each other so perfectly, it felt impossible for it to be either completely natural or completely planned. What was even more stunning was that the old rough dirt area that used to comprise the majority of the ground before, was now entirely a bed of clovers and moss. The bedding was so thick and full bodied, yet somehow it gently respected the plant life of everything else in a way that left me in awe. Somehow, the moss even extended to a pair of rough stone benches, just beginning to crawl up each of their legs. Without even thinking I kicked off my shoes and tossed aside my socks. Letting my bare feet sink into the soft and velvety ground beneath me. I stopped and let myself breathe in, all of me. 

It was so gorgeous. It was so perfect. It was so . . . free. All of it in perfect unison, all leading toward the most beautiful part of all. In the center; a perfect bed outlined in thick natural stones like an ancient throne was dedicated to a single set of flowers. The Napaesse Orchids, growing in full bloom. The gentle shadows and stray sunbeams displayed them in utter fantasy. The white petals glowing like the sun's golden hour, while the deep violet center looked as dusk as a moonless night. Each dark speckled spot seemed to twinkle between the two shades, like moonlight shimmering stardust that  danced in the glimmer of my eye.

I had brought my violin, thinking I would play my own music. Instead I was lost in the beauty all around me, feeling almost mystical in nature, and it sang to me instead.  

I couldn't stop myself from giggling. I skipped and danced around the garden circle, feeling the moss bed bounce me and the clovers tickle between my feet. I drew my instrument to my neck and let the notes play. They weren't my own; they belonged to the forest, to the grove. I only let sound what was whispered to me in my ears. 

I danced and danced and danced. My music joyous and nonsensical, my bow jumping between the strings in random yet somehow harmonious fashion. As I played, lost in the world around me, I started to spin, letting the world spin with me. 

Until at last, the world called me back down towards it. Finally feeling dizzy, my feet stumbled over themselves, and I let it happen. I tucked my violin into my chest and let myself fall onto my back, the soft bed catching my fall harmlessly.

Giggling to myself even before I had fully hit the ground, I turned my head towards the center of the grove, admiring the Napaesse Orchids in all their beauty and grace.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to catch you this time." Rang out a familiar voice from behind me. I felt myself let out a massive smile. There was only one thing that had been missing, and now he was here. 

I rolled my body over towards Damien, looking up to him. "Oh, I don't know. Assuming you're the one who left me this bed of clovers, I'd say you caught me just fine." I joked with him.

Damien gave me a chuckle. "I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't thought of you when making the decision."

I looked over at him, standing casually, his face smiling at me. Going without his hat today, his dark brown hair curling out just above his eyes. Wearing just a dark work shirt and trousers, he had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His olive skin slightly more tanned, his dark forest eyes matching the grove he grew. He was right at home in the tribute to his homeland, and he rivaled its beauty with his own.

"How is it possible for you to have all this done so fast? I wasn't even gone a full week." I asked Damien, unsure how the hedges could have possibly grown so much in such a short time. 

Damien smiled and took a seat on the ground next to me and the orchid. "I'm just a really good gardener I suppose." He joked. In truth, I knew so little about gardening that I had no idea if this was a reasonable amount of growth. "I suppose I did have the extra bit of motivation to have it done by the time you returned, so there's that." He smiled. The idea that he worked so hard, in part for me. It should have felt strange, even fake, shouldn't it? But it didn't. It felt natural, it felt nice.

"How was your trip, after all?" He asked, genuinely, his face so simple and pleasant.

Despite his calming presence, I thought back to the last few days. The trip there, the strange land, the new faces, the way I was treated, the way I acted. . . and the overwhelming sense of power that overshadowed the whole thing. Power that belonged not to me. 

I realized my eyes had started to glaze over as I now looked past Damien. Recentering myself, I answered with a tired smile. "I'm happy I'm home." 

Though, with all the memories, there was still something in the back of my mind, something that had lingered there the entire trip, never being given the chance to be fully contemplated. Something that I could even share with Damien. I twisted my body to roll over and quickly sat up, somewhat startling Damien as I did.

"There was actually something that was interesting about my trip." I started. "There was this boy, Aiden. He was the first person I've met who was under wardship, like me." 

Damien, giving me a small frown, nodded along thoughtfully, gently clarifying something before I had found my next words. "Wardship. Meaning . . . someone else who's being, 'looked after', by a family not of their own?" He asked. 

I started to blush, realizing this was the first time we had actually outwardly spoken about my situation. On top of that, his tone and the way he danced around certain wording told me he might have been aware of more than I thought he was. Or perhaps just more than I hoped. Although, the gentle wording he chose told me that he at least understood enough of how I felt about everything. I appreciated his effort to let me save face.

"Right, . . . yes." I responded before continuing. "He, Aiden, was an interesting person. Honestly one of the most interesting things was, he was going by his guardians' last name. He even mentioned to me that he chose to do it. He, honestly seemed quite happy about the decision, I think." My mind was lost in thought, and I let myself drift away from Damien's presence.

Damien on the other hand seemed to understand where my mind was going. He nodded cautiously and guided me along with his questions. "Interesting. Are you thinking of doing the same thing?" He asked, the small frown on his face turning from interested to increasingly worried.

I thought about myself in Aiden's place, taking the Southgards' last name. All the times that it had felt wrong to use my own last name, all the times I had gotten shocked and hurtful stares from others the few times they realized what my last name really was. I remembered Lena suggesting that maybe I could be part of their family. 

"I, I don't know." I lied.

Was it a lie? I couldn't even tell. I had been getting close to Lena recently. So close, even, that it was nearly impossible for me to leave her side while we were up north. I thought about how she had been so kind to me. How she had bought me my violin, how she had comforted me with the teddy bear, Arthur, how she had protected me from the lender in the streets, how she had let me hold her hand all throughout dinner when it felt like I would fall apart without her. She seemed to been the one to dissuade me from using my own family name the most, surely if I asked to use theirs it would only make her happy, right?

But I also thought to other moments. When Lena hadn't been there for me when I called, despite promising that she always would. The way I had begged her not to force me to wear diapers to bed, only for her to leverage getting Damien involved so that I would agree. Her words two nights ago as she dragged me out of the dinner. 'I don't have time to deal with you.'

But, all those things . . . they were my fault weren't they? If I had just behaved better, been better, I wouldn't have been in any of those situations. Maybe letting my old name go was the first step towards that. It never really meant anything anyway.

"I don't know . . . maybe it would be a good thing." I said quietly.

Damien tilted his head and nodded slowly, looking deep within me as I struggled to look within myself. He paused to let his eyes shift down, pondering his own thoughts. 

"Still," he said. Something new in his voice. "Revallia is such a beautiful last name to lose, don't you think?" 

Shocked back to the moment by his softly spoken words, all I could do was stare at him. I was nearly physically taken aback. Between Lena making it seem like I shouldn't have been using my family's name, and my own fear that Damien might recognize it for who I was supposed to be and only further my shame, I had never told him who I was before. How did he know? 

"You- . . . how did you know that?" I asked, utterly baffled.

Seeing me like this for some reason brought a smile back to Damien's face. Seeing his grin return even had an effect on me if I was honest. "I told you before that I was born in Napaea Forest. Maybe your family never told you this but, Napaea is the ancient homeland of the Revalli people. The oldest Revallia family, they were the leaders of that people." He spoke. Guiding me on a path, teaching again like he had before. "Even to this day, House Revallia is revered within Napaea. There were some years when that love started to wane . . . but these last few years, to the true Revalli people, Alexandre Revallia was known as a great man." 

Damien gazed upon me gently as his eyes softened, filling me with ease like shaded wind the touch. "So of course I knew of his children, Ariane and Christina. And from the moment I saw your ancient crimson Revallia hair firsthand . . ." He spoke softly, lifting one hand to my cheek and letting it barely brush against my skin before it gently swept through the curled locks of my deep red hair. "I knew exactly who you were." 

I was speechless. I had never known that my father was so beloved by their ancient people. I didn't even realize he had an ancient people to be revered by. There were stories about our family from generations ago, but I had always thought all our power came from our nobility, and from the throne. Father had never shared with me any of this, I had no idea we still had a tie to any kind of ancient home. Was this why Oliver had brought up Napaea when he heard my family name? Did he somehow know?

Damien had paused to let his words sink in, but then he continued. "All those stories I told you before, those are stories of the Revalli. Those myths, those legends, that history . . . they bind us together as a people, just as much as the land we come from does. Those stories, they are what root us to that land. No matter what, no matter who claims to rule us or tries to erase that history, the people of Napaea will always have our roots. We will always have our pack." He spoke, proudly and full of love. "And we will always remember the name Revallia."

I looked deep within him, and I saw all the passion and loyalty he felt for his people. I felt pride swelling within myself too. I was part of that people. I was part of that home.

But at the same time, something within me felt that pride get stamped down. Damien spoke of it with such dignity. I could feel the beauty and grace he felt reflected back from the grove all around me, I felt that connection to a heritage I never knew I had . . . but at the same time, I felt the tug of Cynthia's magical harness around my body. I felt the self-disgust of waking up nearly every morning in a wet diaper. I felt the shame of sitting down before politicians and noblemen while sucking on a pacifier, not allowed to so much as speak. I felt the failure of not living up to that once grand legacy that, even before this moment, had been laid out in front of me. 

Seeing my mind wander, Damien seemed to read my face perfectly. He smiled at me sadly, before pushing himself back over into the bed of clovers that he had planted just for me. "Lie down with me, Christina." He asked.

Unsure where he was going with this, I shuffled my body next to him, and leaned back into the clover grass. I looked up out the top of the grove, the filtered sun and bleeding light beautiful in its way.

"Do you remember how you said you had never been to Napaea Forest, and I told you that it was closer than you think? Well, now you have your very own Napaea right here, just for you." 

I looked all around me, with so much beauty in all the different kinds of wildlife. It was . . . so perfect. Was this really what Napaea was like? . . . Did he really bring it here, just for me?

". . . if you ever feel alone, Christina, now you can always come here. Lie down, and look up at the stars, hear your heart's song, escape within the wilds of our home, and hopefully feel . . . connected, once again." 

He turned towards me, and we locked eyes. Both of us so close I could feel the gentle warmth of his breath. "And if you ever want to feel more, if you ever want to hear more stories from our home, you can always come find me." His lips grew into a gentle smile. "Closer than you think." 

Turning his head up to the clear sky, I kept my eyes fixed on him. His gentle face softer to me than even the bed of moss beneath my feet.

"Our home. . ." I whispered to myself.